Peer Reviewing
After reading the essay, I have noticed that the writer understands the topic, and the issues that motivate her are clear. She is motivated to write the essay by the financial obligations that students face while trying to achieve their definition of success in educational success. She is careful to point out that financial obligations force students to settle for alternatives rather than their dream careers. The writer’s main argument is that the financial burden on a household in America is overlooked. She argues that as people are seeking to achieve educational success, they tend to suffer financial constraints. She supports her arguments with examples such as a single mother trying to achieve the career of her dreams and still support her children. From her essay, we can learn that, indeed, people struggle to achieve educational success. Other people end up in careers they do not like just to meet their bills. However, others sacrifice big careers to follow what their hearts want, even if they are not as well paying as their initial careers.
The writer effectively relates the conversation that the published writer engages in because he quotes the writers and also gives examples that the writers provide, thus strengthening her argument. However, I still feel that she could have added more quotes from the writer instead of using it in only one paragraph. I think the writer can strengthen the thesis statement by mentioning how financial burden restrains students from achieving their dreams instead of stating that it is often overlooked. Unfortunately, the writer forgets to mention her target audience, and it is, therefore, unclear to whom the essay is addressed. Generally, the passages are quite useful in building the argument. The introduction passage and the second last paragraph are most effective. The first paragraph introduces the topic and helps the reader to understand what the writer is addressing. In the second last paragraph, the writer points out that the definition of success in America is one reason people fear to take low-paying jobs because they fail to be called failures, which is a strong concept in her argument. In her last paragraph, she offers a strong conclusion that the supposed audience, the students, must take away. In the draft, I feel that no passage is not effective because each carries a strong point that adds to the argument. As a reader, I would suggest the reader added more ways in which financial obligations limit educational success; for instance, students who do not complete their education due to lack of financial ability, students who have to work two jobs, students who have to work for scholarships, etc. I think it would strengthen her thesis statement.