MT: Is it True that Opposites Attract in Romantic Relationships?
MD: The idea that opposites attract exists in many different communities around the world, but according to scientific research, it is a complete myth.
H1: Are You Likely to Seek Partners Who Are Similar or Different from You?
The idea that opposites attract exists in many different communities around the world, but according to scientific research, it is a complete myth. This myth has been portrayed in many different classic stories and even TV shows. Programs like The Big Bang Theory have attempted to push this narrative, with science geniuses like Leonard going for regular fun-lovers like Penny. That is probably why a good percentage of people seem to actively seek out partners who have characteristics that are different from their own. But eventually, most people choose partners who are fundamentally similar to themselves.
H2: Key Takeaways:
- In relationships, people are happier if they share more similarities than differences.
- Women are choosier than men in dating.
- The key considerations in dating are different for men and women.
H2: What Does the Science Say?
Research on whether opposites attract have been carried out since the mid-20th century. In the studies, the researchers investigated various marriages and analyzed the personalities and traits of each member of the couples. One of the earliest studies was carried out by Robert Winch, and he made the notion that some marriages worked better if the participants complemented each other. According to his results, social-related traits would usually need to be opposites. For example, extroverted women in his research would generally be happier with introverted men. However, according to later studies, this pattern did not hold true for all aspects of social-related traits. As an example, most dominant people would prefer partners who were also dominant and bold.
Although it would appear that opposites do attract, you should note that there are many dimensions of similarity apart from social-related personality. Most individuals would generally prefer being with partners who have similar education levels and intelligence, and most would avoid going outside the culture, religion, and even race. Couples who appear to be different on the surface usually have similarities in more profound aspects. People of different races or religions would usually be more compatible because of their education or philosophy of life.
H2: Attractive Traits
In some cases, people will be drawn towards partners who are different from them, but that is not because opposites attract. Usually, it is because people are generally attracted to some positive traits like kindness and generosity. The personality of an individual can have a significant impact on the perceived attractiveness.
H2: Do Girls Like Bad Boys?
Almost everyone knows at least one couple where one of the partners has negative traits and is generally abusive. The ‘bad boys’ in this case are considered extremely masculine and rebellious, and they also have extremely high levels of self-confidence. They may also be narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, and prone to using others for selfish purposes. According to researchers, women would be attracted to such men because of their masculine nature, and this all boils down to evolutionary biology. But rather than being attracted to them for companionship or dating, women would only want the bad boy’s sperm. On a more conscious level, women would actively avoid men who display negative traits like rudeness and narcissism. This is because most women would be able to predict the negative outcome of such relationships.
It is also worth noting that women are usually programmed to be pacifists and to suppress their rebellious spirit. In such cases, dating the traditional bad boy would be a way of feeling strong and powerful. Women who date bad boys for this reason are highly likely to adopt some of the negative traits over time. Since the men display strength and masculinity, women would generally feel safer if they are on the same side.
Another reason why women may be attracted to such men is that they find the usual dates boring, and bad boys provide some level of excitement and fun. However, most women who date bad boys for this reason end up leaving the relationship for a normal man. This is because the bad boy relationship proves to be more pain than pleasure, and any fun they experience is drowned by the constant fights, unfaithfulness, and emotional distance.
Many girls would also be attracted to bad boys because they know that the relationship would be forbidden. This fact only helps to increase the level of attraction the girls have to the men.
H2: Social Role Theory
A theory that has been used to describe relationships is the social role theory. In this case, the selection rules would be determined by the stereotypical gender roles. For example, in a patriarchal society, women would be drawn to partners who have money, power, and high social status. On the other hand, men are drawn to women who are able to take care of the home.
These rules would shift as the social roles of the genders are changed over time. For example, if true equality is achieved, women would likely stop considering financial strength and would be more interested in education, religion, and other similar factors. Studies have shown that men today value financial capacity in women, and this was not a consideration a few decades ago. As per the social role theory, this shift occurred because it has become easier for women to earn money, and it has also become harder for families to survive on a single salary.
H2: Which Other Factors Determine Attraction in Romantic Relationships?
Most people like to claim that physical attractiveness is not important in relationships, and most would rank traits like kindness and a sense of humor as more important. However, it is clear that most of us would not want to spend the rest of our lives with someone we consider unattractive. Some researchers have suggested that beauty serves as a guide to show us which partners are healthy and able to reproduce. Also, beauty is often associated with other positive traits like happiness and social status.
Most men, whether gay or straight, would readily admit that they value beauty, but women will often cite other factors instead of physical attractiveness. However, research shows that men and women value physical attraction to the same extent. It is also worth noting that physical attractiveness consistently ranks higher than other values like intelligence and a sense of humor.
As mentioned earlier, most people will adjust their judgment of beauty when they learn the personality of the person. A woman who is beautiful by traditional standards may end up being ugly if she has unpleasant traits. However, if all factors are held constant, beautiful women will generally end up with handsome men.
Another factor that is often overlooked when selecting partners is familiarity and exposure. If you are constantly exposed to a particular person, you are highly likely to end up getting attracted to them and may even fall in love with them. This is one reason why most couples meet at school or church, where they got the chance to interact with each other.
Socio-economic status is also a key factor that people consider when selecting partners, but women place more importance on this factor than men. In fact, women are highly likely to select partners who have high socio-economic status without paying much attention to other traits.
It is also interesting to note that women are a lot more selective when choosing life partners compared to men. One reason for this might be that women have a lot more to lose if they select a poor life partner. Since most women are vulnerable, they would be putting themselves at risk by choosing a man who is a poor provider and perhaps even violent.
Attraction in couples is also determined by:
- Emotional stability
- Social skills
- Intelligence
H2: Why Does the Myth That Opposites Attract Persist?
The idea that opposite personalities attract has been in existence for hundreds of years. One reason why the idea may persist is that the differences in people will usually outshine their similarities. You are more likely to notice the fact that one person is serious in a relationship, and the other is relaxed and maybe even funny. That is because these two traits can stand out when placed side by side. However, the same people will have similar religions and may even have studied the same courses in college. In other words, the similarities which are overlooked are more than the little differences which are extremely visible.
Another reason why the idea still persists is that small differences in a couple typically grow over time. This is because the couple adopts habits that make them complementary to each other. A woman who was a bit sociable at the start of the relationship may end up becoming more introverted as the relationship progresses. On the other hand, the man may become more outgoing as their social skills were already developed.
H2: Do You Need to Understand Your Personality Type?
Understanding your personality type would be helpful in many ways. First, it would help you understand whether or not you are naturally attracted to people who are similar or different from you. In many cases, it would be alarming to find out that you are attracted to people who are completely different from you. That might indicate that you have a deeper issue. You can learn about your personality type by taking tests online, but you should note that many of these tests are highly inaccurate. You can take several tests to check whether the results match. It is also important to remember that personalities can change from time to time, especially after you go through major life events. For example, you might need to retake the tests after getting a high-paying job.
You can also talk to our licensed therapists for advice on your relationship issues. Our services will especially be useful if you have been in several abusive relationships, as that might be a sign that you have underlying personal issues. Sign up today to start the program.