First, parents must teach strong-willed children to respect authority from a young age. Such children are likely to ignore the advice and values of teachers, fellow students, and their parents. Allowing this behavior to continue is dangerous because it could lead to antisocial behavior in later years. Hence, parents should teach children to acknowledge and respect authority at all times. However, parents should not constantly threaten assertive children. Instead, they must create a fun environment but maintain firmness whenever it is required. Secondly, parents must reinforce boundaries so that a child learns acceptable behavior. Before punishing a child for a mistake, parents should ensure that he or she understands why the behavior is intolerable. The same will eliminate feelings of injustice and resentment.
Third, parents must understand that children can be intentionally defiant, but they may also act irresponsibly due to their age. Therefore, a parent should differentiate the two to ensure appropriate responses to behavior. For example, children tend to spill things and are disorganized, this indicating irresponsibility. However, an act of defiance will encompass a child refusing to clean his or her toys after the parent instructs this. Fourth, parents should reassure children after the conflict is complete. Doing so allows children to learn from their mistakes and understand that their parents love them despite the disciplinary action. Reassurance can be done through hugs, kisses, and affirmations of a parent’s love.
Additionally, parents should avoid making demands that their children cannot attain. Every parent understands the capability and personality of his or her child. Hence, any requirements made must be within what this child can accomplish to prevent impossible situations in which the child continually feels like a disappointment. For example, a parent should not punish a child for bedwetting when this is a situation that could have been beyond their control. Children wet the bed when stressed, and it would be insensitive to discipline a child for this. Lastly, parents must be guided by genuine love whenever interacting with their children. A healthy relationship emphasizes the presence of love that supersedes all the inevitable mistakes of parenting.
From my experience, the fifth “how-to” is the most challenging to enforce. It requires parents to know what a child is capable of doing. However, parents may wish to nudge their children towards growth by making seemingly impossible demands. By acknowledging that a child cannot do some things, parents could be limiting him or her from learning and attaining his potential. For example, instead of saying that a child is incapable of something, a parent may need to push him or her to achieve the same. Hence, the line between incapability and demand is quite thin, which makes it difficult to implement this “how-to.” Last year, I was tasked with babysitting my 10-year-old nephew who wanted some help with his homework. I asked him to stay at the table until he solved a sum in his assignment. However, his mother called and insisted that he is weak in technical subjects such as mathematics, and I should just let him go to play before bedtime. I defied her and told him to complete his homework, and was surprised when he provided the correct answer. The example highlights the blurry line between parents making unrealistic demands and incapability.
However, social media and scheduling problems makes it difficult for parents to implement most of these requirements. Children today have access to a lot of negative media that gives them ideas about behavior. Hence, a parent may strive to instill some values, while social media debunks all of them. The constant pressure from all forms of media is dangerous to the wellbeing of children because of exposure to stereotypes, bullying, and negative perceptions towards life. Apart from this, parents today are busy trying to provide for their children. Implementing the “how-to’s” takes time, which most people do not have. Children are being raised by nannies, teachers, and daycares, thus limiting the amount of influence that parents can have on them.