Arranged Marriage in India
Arranged marriage is still the most preferred approach to unite people into matrimony in India. Typically, what happens in an arranged marriage is that the parents, as well as other relatives, take the responsibility of deciding the suitable life partner to be married by their child. While searching for the perfect partner, different factors are kept in mind, and usually, different procedures are used for boys and girls. This is a tradition that has lived with the Indians for a long while now. Even today, in the 21st century, approximately 85% of Indians prefer to use arranged marriage where the life partner is suitably chosen by the parents (Chawla 14). Rather than engaging in love marriage, they prefer arranged marriage. There are various perspectives, both insider and outsider perspectives, about the topic of arranged marriage.
Regarding an insider perspective, in 2013, a survey by IPSOS indicated that 74% of young Indians, between the age of 18 and 35 preferred arranged marriage as opposed to love marriage. Statistics have shown high success rates of arranged marriages as compared to love marriage in India which teaches us that it is cool to follow tradition and listen to the guidelines and advice from parents. On the other hand, the outsider view about arranged marriage is based on the fact that it is an unethical practice that often discriminates on women and leads to harassment and abuse of women, both emotionally and physically. Therefore, this paper is going to compare and contrast between the insider and the outsider perspective about arranged marriage.
Insider Perspective
Most people, even the young Indians, prefer arranged marriage to love marriage because they think that it is not a bad thing to entrust their parents on making such serious life decisions for them. They also believe that it is vital to stick to traditions and cultural beliefs. Various research carried out in India have proved that there are minimal divorce cases in India. The rate of divorce is approximately one case for every one hundred incidents. This rate is clear evidence that arranged marriage results to the long-term stability of the marriages, therefore, attracting and appealing to many Indians. However, there are still cases where women suffer due to abuse from husbands and their family members. Unlike love marriage, arranged marriage offers a clean slate for the spouse, where the partners will have the chance to set their expectations after the marriage. From this story, we can deduce that a parent is a superior being who is highly respected by his or her kids, to the extent that he is allowed to choose life partners for his children. Children should respect their parents in whatever they say, even if it seems abnormal or wrong; this is a strict law in India. This law shows that children are brought up with strong values such as respect (TSERING 26).
Rather than passion and love, arranged marriage is usually based on duty and commitment. There is a belief among Indians that commitment and duty are a more substantial base in marriage as compared to love and passion because, at the end of it all, marriage is based on those two. Despite the new and emerging trends in the modern world, which has brought a lot of criticism to an arranged marriage, commitment and duty in marriage might be the secret of strong values in India. In most cases, rather than looking at a prospective partner who would fit their spouse, parents make their choices on a person who can handle home chores with ease and perfectly replace their daughters when they are married off. The main reason why they look for women who would handle house chores is that the couple will live with the parents for a while before going to live on their own. Parents usually focus on work and wealth over love and making the couple happy. Therefore, most parents are selfish and materialistic who want to take advantage of the situation to benefit instead of focusing on bona fide interest (Fuller, and Haripriya 740).
According to a psychologist, Pamela Reagan of California state university, there is no difference between love marriage and arranged marriage with regards to marital satisfaction, love, and commitment for the Indians. There are various reasons why Indians prefer arranged marriage. These include:
- There is a mentality that parents know best. Indian women feel secure and enjoy the support from their family when their parents choose partners for them. These women think that the combined wisdom of the members of the family will ensure proper marriage. In case of any issue, then the family will come together to provide a solution (Barney 21).
- Women think that they may not meet the right man at the same time. Anindita Chowdhury, who is a reproductive health consultant and a clinical psychologist in Kolkata says that most of her young, financially independent and well-educated women, usually ask her where they can meet interesting men who they can marry.
- Most women fear failed romance or heartbreaks. This menace is another reason why women prefer arranged marriage. According to Sahely Gangopadhyay, a clinical psychologist in Kolkata stated that he witnessed a lot of women agreeing to marry people they did not know well after experiencing breakups (Fuller, and Haripriya 741).
- Some of the women also fear that they may get rejected by other prospective partners. The value of a woman is usually measured in marriage in India. Women are forced to believe that they are desirable, socially acceptable, beautiful, and worthy when a man accepts them. Therefore, whenever a prospective groom is being searched, the woman usually yearns to be recognized as a suitable bride instead of the bride’s family scrutinizing the groom and his family (Chawla 20).
- Young people are usually discouraged from asking questions. Most families in India insist on their girl child that the decision of the family members is generally final and the best. She is not allowed to raise questions about matters such as marriage.
- The stigma of caste/ inter-faith marriages. In India, young people are made to believe that community/ caste/ faith is the most superior element to be considered. Inter-religion marriages are severely forbidden (TSERING, 26).
Outsider perspective
According to many philosophers, love marriage is better than arranged marriage in numerous ways. They believe that love is the essential aspect of marriage that would make the couple happy and ensure the continuity of the marriage. There are other purposes of marriage, including politics, class, cultural or racial purity, diplomacy, and financial safety. There are endless benefits of love in marriage: love establishes a healthy and happy marriage which is easy to maintain. Through facilitating comfort and security, love brings happiness because the partner is aware that the other will care for him or her.
Moreover, love promotes respect which is very important in marriage. Someone’s thoughts, words, and feelings are valued when there is respect. Arranged marriage is not based on passion and love but duty and commitment. According to Robert Epstein, a psychologist suggested that love does not grow over time in an arranged marriage. Therefore, most philosophers think that arranged marriage lacks love which means there is a lot of happiness for the couples (Chawla 9).
Many outsider perspectives have directed their views that women should be allowed to make their own choices, that is, given the freedom to choose their life partners, to make the marriage a success. Also, women usually suffer from verbal abuse, physical abuse, and even emotional abuse. Unfortunately, women are not allowed to escape from their marriages because she is the one to take care of marriage. In the Indian culture, the men are viewed as superior, and women do not have much control in the matters of marriage. This shows that women underwent hardship in an arranged marriage and were never happy in them because they were mistreated and seen as inferior to men. Despite all these sufferings and hardships, women were not allowed to revolt or resist because they could be disowned by their own family or the husband (Allendorf, and Roshan 444).
Despite the causes of arranged marriage in India, there were numerous drawbacks associated with an arranged marriage. First, parents made their decisions for personal benefits instead of considering their children’s future. Secondly, women were severely mistreated in these kinds of marriage and abused both emotionally and physically. Moreover, other partners took advantage of an arranged marriage to obtain legal papers for entry into foreign countries. Besides, other women were married off at a very young age just for benefits such as dowry. Also, due to high levels of poverty, India experienced human trafficking, which became one of the most common and fastest-growing industries. Those living in poverty embarked on using arranged marriage by trading their children to gain wealth and become economically stable. Lastly, people actually pretended about marriage, but the fact is that women were used as prostitutes, and one of the significant issues in India currently is prostitution. All these drawbacks violated human rights in one way or the other, especially for women. The government of India should take necessary steps to abolish arranged marriage because it comes with a lot of disadvantages (Fuller, and Haripriya 763).
Conclusion
In summary, arranged marriage has been viewed differently from the insider perspective and outsider perspective. Most Indians prefer arranged marriage because they believe that parents should be respected and that tradition and culture should be followed to the latter. Some of the reasons why most Indians prefer arranged marriage is the fear of heartbreak or relationship failure, parents know best, fear of not finding the right man, fear of getting rejected, and stigma of caste/ inter-faith marriages. On the other hand, outsiders have a different view on arranged marriage. Most philosophers think that arranged marriage violates human rights, especially of women. Women face abuse, both physically and emotionally, and they are usually not happy in an arranged marriage. Women are as important as men and should, therefore, be allowed to make their own choices regarding their life partners. This way, the women will end up in marriages where they are happy and experience little suffering.
Work Cited
Chawla, Devika. “Subjectivity and the ‘Native’ Ethnographer: Researcher Eligibility in an Ethnographic Study of Urban Indian Women in Hindu Arranged Marriages.” International Journal of Qualitative Methods, vol. 5, no. 4, Dec. 2006, pp. 13–29. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1177/160940690600500402.
TSERING, LISA. “Young, Urban Indians Choose Arranged Marriages In New Film.” India — West, vol. 40, no. 26, 15 May, 2015, p. C24. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=n5h&AN=102775631.
Fuller, C. J., and Haripriya Narasimhan. “Companionate Marriage in India: The Changing Marriage System in a Middle-Class Brahman Subcaste.” Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute, vol. 14, no. 4, Dec. 2008, pp. 736–754. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/j.1467-9655.2008.00528.x.
Barney Henderson. “Arranged Marriages or Nothing in the Indian Village That Banned Love .” Daily Telegraph (London), July 2012, p. 21. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=n5h&AN=8Q261920133.
Chawla, Devika. “Poetic Arrivals and Departures: Bodying the Ethnographic Field in Verse.” Forum: Qualitative Social Research, vol. 9, no. 2 May, 2008, pp. 1–22. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=bsh&AN=33131448.
Allendorf, Keera, and Roshan K. Pandian. “The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India.” Population & Development Review, vol. 42, no. 3, Sept. 2016, pp. 435–464. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/j.1728-4457.2016.00149.x.