Article: Sex Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen
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Introduction
During early moments, girls and boys play with other children of their gender and age. The two separate groups possess unique organization forms plus interactive norms, leading to communication problems between the two sexes. In her article, Deborah Tannen, on sex, lies, and conversation, she depicts some significant differences between men and women in childhood socialization and how it leads to cross-cultural communication. Deborah Tannen applies real-life experiences to support her arguments in the article, making the material more useful and relatable in the way things happen in the real world. Variances in cross-cultural interactions between women and men are prevalent in conversation, linguistics, plus body language.
In her article, Deborah Tannen (1990) commences in a part where she addresses a small group in a Suburban Virginia room. It was a women group in which they had requested to be joined by some men. Throughout that session, one man was very talkative and offered anecdotes plus ideas as his wife sat next to him quietly. At the end of the course, Tannen commented that women complained that their men failed to talk to them. Therefore, the episode disclosed that it was ironic that men in America tend to speak more in public than they do in their homes. At last, Tannen speculated that the trend was wreaking havoc with many marriages.
According to Tannen’s research (1990), most women’s complaints concerning their husbands involved real inequalities, like giving up on sharing tasks like cooking, cleaning, and other errands. Besides, they focused on communication, and many women wanted their partners to be more conversational.
Research of an American Psychologist indicated different childhood socialization designs whereby boys and girls only played with their gender. Similarly, to girls, women view intimacy as a fabric of the relationship, and communication is where it is woven. Girls maintain and create friends through secrets exchange, and women view communication as a friendship cornerstone. Therefore, a woman expects her man to be an improved and new version of her best friend. On the other hand, boys’ bonds can get as intense as girls’, although they involve doing things together but less on talking. However, since boys never assume talks as a building block of relationships, men have no ideas on which conversations women want, plus they do not miss them if the talks are not there (Franks & Waldman, 2018).
Physical positioning is another problem encountered during a conversation between the two genders. When women have a conversation, they face each other directly with their eyes held upon each other’s faces. Conversely, men always sit at angles and looking elsewhere in the room but glancing at each other periodically. The tendency of a man facing away when conversing with a woman indicates to her that he is not paying attention.
In Tannen’s (1990) article, she speculates that women mostly involve participatory listening while having conversations with their gender. Contrary, men find it as a lack of attention, intrusion, or interruption. Women view conversational jobs as a support expression design, whereas men view it as a way of pointing the other argument side. Therefore, women see a conversation as a method of establishing a rapport. For example, if one girl says she has a problem and the other says she has the same problem, they walk away feeling closer to one another.
However, from arguments and illustrations made by Tannen in her article, we all understand now why women have different expectations in marriage than men. For women, communication generates intimacy. Women assume that marriage is a closeness orgy in which you can spit your thoughts and feelings but still get loved. The main fear for women is getting pushed away. Opposingly, men live in a hierarchical world in which communication maintains status and independence. Men are always protecting themselves from being pushed around or even put down.
From arguments in the article, marriage communication problems cannot be fixed through mechanical engineering but need a conceptual framework on the importance of communication in relationships between humans. Many psychological predicaments blame either men (for being less in touch with their feelings) or women (for being less assertive). However, by applying a sociolinguistic design, we can identify the problem and come up with solutions without leaning on one party. Once the issue gets identified, then improvements come naturally (Greer, 2018).
After going through this article, I started to flashback on different reactions I encountered with my friends and in my relationship. Broadly, we have had miscommunication problems similar to the way Tannen stipulates. But, through thinking those experiences from the difference in styles of communication between men and women, the article helped me explain why my friends are upset with my replies posture during a conversation.
I agree with Tannen’s explanations of gendered talks. In the issue of conversation topic alignment, it is true that girls tend to spend more time with one another and talk for long concerning one topic, but boys jump from one subject to another and spend little time with one another. Nonetheless, boys tell jokes and tease one another, but girls on their league exchange stories involving people they knew. I concur with Tannen that girls and boys are taught communication tactics differently as they grow older, that however leads to communication problems in their lives. The argument fits perfectly with my life experiences. During football interview, you will hear a player saying he is good at his position, and his opponent is a nobody; it perfectly fits Tannen’s objective.
In conclusion, the article is fascinating and speculates the differences between women and men in terms of communication. Tannen inspires valid theories and observations concerning the topic, which changes the way we view life and other people surrounding us (Greer, 2018). However, if everyone speculates Tannen points on communication in marriages, there will be essential understanding and minimal gender fights concerning failure to talk or listen to any party. Nonetheless, from the textbook, parental training is necessary while raising children of different ages and gender, parent-children, and children-parent bonding.
References
Deborah Tannen, (1990). Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/1990/06/24/sex-lies-and-conversation/01cb17ba-1af7-4bf4-8a02-3d1b6c11648f/?utm_term=.05695231a822
Franks, M. A., & Waldman, A. E. (2018). Sex, lies, and videotape: Deep fakes and free speech delusions. Md. L. Rev., 78, 892.
Greer, E. (2018). Must We Do What We Say? The Plight of Marriage and Conversation in George Meredith’s The Egoist. In Stanley Cavell on Aesthetic Understanding (pp. 293-320). Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.