Can’t We Talk
In all probability, it comes with no surprise to anyone across the globe that gents and ladies, dudes, and chicks, boys, and girls talk a different game altogether. On the other hand, Deborah Tannen, author-linguist, has come up with a new book concerning the tribulations faced by frustrated couples daily. Tannen’s reading connects to an issue that every individual irrespective of sex, age, or race, will have to face at some point in their lives. The issue is that men and women converse with each other differently, and these differences have a high chance of leading the talk to a conflict at the end of the day. In a talk on the verbal wipe among the sexes, the author starts by plopping herself in a comfortable seat in her house and removing her shoes. Deborah Tannen argues that men tend to catch each other with side-glances sitting at angles when they talk, whereas women face each other when conversing. On top of that, the battle lines are drawn immediately; they assume physical positions. At this point, Tannen has cataloged the differences.
In her first section, support vs. status, the author asserts that men try to gain the upper hand in every talk, whereas women see talking as an approach of receiving support. Tannen tells the audience that they used to work in different cities with her husband. She used to accept the support of people who often commented about her difficult situation, that is, distant relationship. On the other hand, Tannen’s husband felt threatened and would feel compelled to disregard other people’s support as far as the situation is concerned. Because of general effects, men are required to be tough; thus, they are not easily threatened. As a result, they tend to be inclined on the offensive during a talk. On the other hand, society expects women to be extra sensitive, thus, seeking support.
In the advice vs. understanding part, the author talks about a woman who has been suffering from breast cancer. The woman has a deformity due to the effects of the disease. She expresses her distress to her husband, who responds by proposing that she undergoes surgery to address the deformity. The woman is upset after thinking of another surgery. The man is giving her advice, but the woman is not understanding. It is worth noting that the two ought to understand each other’s tribulations and come up with an amicable solution of ultimately solving them. In other words, they are supposed to sit down and come up with a solution that does not hurt either side at the end of the day.
In summing up, Deborah Tannen does not blame either of the sexes for the communication breakdown. She has tried not to be one-sided, thus examining men and women equally. The author delineates the differences. Additionally, she says that she hopes that examining both genders can lead to a well, better understanding.