Communication and Interview Skills: SOLER
SOLER is an acronym created by Gerard Evan to represent a skilled helper. The process is used for counselling. SOLER represents the correct non-verbal cues used in communication with someone else. Counsellors are taught the five parts as an essential skill in their training. The acronym s stands for sitting squarely, o represents open, l is for lean, e represents eye contact, and r stands for relaxing. In the paper, SOLER will be used to compare and contrast between two conversations as well as a rating (life charity.org, 2019).
In the first conversation, I observed a talk between my mother and my small brother. My brother was sitting on her laps holding a toy car that has only three wheels on the one hand and the other having the missing fourth wheel. He is full of tears and looks up to my mum with a pitiful face, not knowing how to fix his car. My mother leans closely, hugs him and wipes his tears with her hand. She then kisses him on the forehead and cuddles while seeming to console him. She later takes the wheel from his hand and tries to fix. After several tries, she manages to return the wheel and tests the car by moving it along her palm. My brother is smiling and gives my mother a big hug. He murmurs something in her ear and gives her a peck before getting down from her lap and going outside to continue playing. My mom is left staring at him with a smile as he runs outside with the car.
In the second conversation, I have a talk with my dad, where I request him to pay for a short vacation I have planned with my friends. He was reading his newspaper when I came in. So he lifted his face a little when I greeted him and looked at my direction as I told him my request. He immediately looked back at the paper after I finished, read something for a second, then closed it to turn his posture towards me. He then asked me to give him further details which I did while looking at his eyes. He seemed convinced then said, he will talk about it with my mother, and then I would get their response. After thanking him and standing, he took his newspaper, located where he had left and continued reading.
Analyzing both conversations using the acronym s for sitting squarely, both my mother and father were good listeners to my brother and me respectively. They face us directly when we talk to them to hear our thoughts and opinions. When I speak to my father, he shows that he is attentively listening and is interested in what I was talking. He also goes ahead to look away a little to show that he is not staring too much at me, which may turn out to be threatening. In such a case, an angled position is encouraged. My mother does not turn her body while she was talking to him. It would have otherwise lessened the contact with them.
The open posture for O is a sign of availability and openness. In both conversations, my parents have an open posture to allow us to express our thoughts to them without fear of them being defensive and looking busy. It encouraged my brother and me to continue expressing ourselves.
Leaning towards the other person is the meaning of the l acronym. It shows interest. In the conversation between my brother and mother, my mother leans to console my brother for his destroyed car. Even though leaning too much may express excessive demand which can appear as intimidation to my brother, my mother’s leaning too much is expressed as more love. On the other hand, my dad does not lean when I have a conversation with him.
Both my father and I maintained eye contact in our conversation. It showed that my dad was interested in listening to my trip. It was similar to the conversation between my mother and brother. My mother showed interest in his misery about his destroyed car. Despite my father looking away at first, it was not to show disinterest but rather to give me his attention. In both situations, they neither stared in a way that my brother and I could feel discomfort.
Additionally, in both conversations, my dad and mom were relaxed while listening to my brother and me, respectively. My dad’s calmness gave me the courage to tell him my request without any distraction. Similarly, my mother’s calmness put my brother at ease from his worries about his car.
In conclusion, SOLER is a non-communicative skill that is used to show interest, attentiveness and confidant effectively. In both conversations, there are a lot of similarities. I can rate the conversations we had a 99% success in implementing the SOLER process. My parents seem to have mastered the process while talking to us.
Reference
Life charity.org (2019). SOLER. https://lifecharity.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/SOLER.pdf