Feminist education
A Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie published her book in 2017 on how to educate feminist children. The book was initially written to respond to a letter from a childhood friend, who asked for advice on raising a feminist daughter. It has undergone little change, as the writer herself says in the introduction. Divided into fifteen suggestions, it points to ideas such as teaching the girl to question language, considered a “repository of prejudices,” not to worry about pleasing people, and questioning the selective use of biology as a reason for social norms in our culture (Adichie, 2017). When writing the book, Adichie still had no children. She admitted that it appeared natural to advise others about raising their children without facing this tremendously complex reality. Besides Adichie’s suggestions, there are other recommendations for raising a feminist that can be added to the author’s list, besides personal experiences.
Parents should approach the theme of equality with their children in a natural way. First, the struggle for gender equality is not recent, and it is still far from reaching its goals. Parents must bear in mind that they carry a great responsibility to raise their children so that they do not become sexist adults and thus help make the world more egalitarian. Besides, any change must begin with small gestures that need to be introduced into the current routine, and which will bring about changes in the stereotypes ahead. It is in little things and examples that the macho culture is manifested. For example, they can use storytelling without bringing the weight of the issue to them. They can end up feeling the pressure of a culture that is historical if feminism is not introduced correctly.
Secondly, your child must know the difference between the two terms, namely feminism and female. A growing young girl should always reiterate that being a feminist means wanting gender equality and not seeing a difference in ability between a man and a woman. It should be made very clear that there are no ‘boy things’ and ‘girl things.’ The important thing is to make your child understand that one part of a relationship is not 100% responsible for the house’s activities, but that everyone has an equal responsibility to play in whatever role is assigned.
Thirdly, parents should teach their daughters about being negative about others. It is not enough to say, “have a positive attitude about other people.” It is crucial to living it and pass on this teaching to your child. By learning not to judge people negatively by their gender, beauty, or even intelligence, it will be more difficult for them to see others – no matter who they are – like objects or someone less worthy of respect and consideration. On the other hand, it is common for boys to learn and reproduce the fact that, as men, they do not cry. They should understand that this inhibits a form of vital communication. Like girls, boys have the right to cry if they feel so.
My fourth recommendation is that parents should work towards limiting the so-called Stallion syndrome. Being the type of person he is, a boy learns that he can have girlfriends, go out on dates, and catch up with several at the club. However, girls are condemned for such attitudes. The correct thing is to teach them the importance of being aware of their actions similar to girls, and that their partners should be respected. In my conversation with Anne, a mother of two boys, I learned a few nuggets. Anne stated that like the overwhelming majority of women in the world, she was socialized not for motherhood, but servile motherhood. This is the term used to define the subservient behavior that is expected of women with children. When someone charges, directs, questions, or underestimates a mother, it is clear that that person is in the service of patriarchy. That was Anne’s argument, which I also hold firmly because it encourages positivity. Whenever a woman is silenced, I usually recognize it as an attempt to silence, diminish, and idiotize the female gender at large.
Thinking about elucidating some points of this complex reality on motherhood, I happened to talk to four mothers about the difficult task of raising feminist children today. Starting with the premise of the book and what led the writer to justify herself, a fact is given. For instance, people evaluate, judge, or opine on the mothers’ roles all the time. In the case of Chimamanda specifically, the writer had answered a question, but this is not always the case with many mothers, who are usually questioned and judged on their actions. Fabiane, a mother of two girls and two boys, recalls an episode. They are always charged while in the house. A lady once taught Fabiane a moral lesson in front of a store, because she was going to take pink glasses to the boys’ school. She knew the good she was doing for her children. They would feel happy and liberated.
In this sense, the pressure placed on mothers to carry out activities that should be played by two fathers is evident. To counteract this logic and explain notions about gender roles, the affected mothers should endeavor to show practical examples. Silvia, the mother of 9 years old Lis, who since 2010 also manages a maternity channel on YouTube (Mother of First Travel), comments that she tries to pass on values of strength, competence, equality, and justice. These values are only passed on by attitudes. Words do little good. A child learns by attitude and not by speech. Perhaps, the only gender role she sees here is that the father is physically stronger than the mother, and, because of that, he performs the tasks that require more strength. But I believe she knows that this is not a rule, as she sees some girls are stronger than boys.
Parents often face the challenges of educating children of both sexes as feminists. When we talk about feminist upbringing, we immediately think about empowering girls, but it is important to educate boys so as not to perpetuate machismo and misogyny. It is futile to educate girls to be feminists and contribute to two sexists in this world. It has no differentiation. The value that is passed on to one must also be taught to the other. Back at our home, girls wash the dishes, make the beds, and sweep. The boys do this too. They learn from an early age that there are no such things as boys or girls. Everyone’s house chores are apt to do. There are no new values. We teach boys to question and reject the privileged role given to them in our culture, not necessarily according to societal demands. I learned the latter with the case of Karen. She is the mother of a three-year-old kid, divides her family’s daily life, and supports this thought. She is the daughter of a skating mother, which is not conventional. This already gives me certain tranquility, being one of the greatest examples is in this experience. She loves ballerina and almost always asks to wear a skirt and dress. We try to deconstruct and show that a dancer can wear any outfit. My biggest issue is that she feels strong and capable. For that, we encourage her development and independence, even if it takes a little more work. I think the more achievements with her own ability, like putting on her own socks or preparing a snack, will make her feel safer, contended, and confident as a young feminist.
In recap, feminism is never about promoting one gender and demeaning the other. Although theory and practice sometimes differ, parents have a responsibility to ensure that fairness, equity, or equality are pursued at all times. Besides, children should not be laboratories of our convictions. That is why it is vital to maintain a degree of freedom as much as possible. The freedom should tend to limit or protect boys from toxic masculinity and the girl from subservience. When children are trained or educated to obey several gender-stereotyped standards, they end up constructing a society of injustice. For example, if a girl loves to play with dolls, it is not in the name of a supposed feminist education that she would be forbidden to enjoy the game she likes. Therefore, it is necessary to observe and promote contact with several other things.