Homework 2: Self-Concept Part 2
- Identify one element of your self-concept, from part 1 of the homework, that you think has resulted from reflected appraisal.
As a result of a reflected appraisal, an element of my self-concept that has emerged is that I am a reliable person. This trait has been imposed on me by some of my friends, especially whenever they indicate that I am very reliable, both as a friend and school mate. For instance, James told me that I am always there for my friends whenever they need me, and can’t recall a time I failed him since we became friends. Therefore, showing up for my friends, helping them accomplish certain endeavors, and my social traits as a caring and kind person have contributed significantly to this element’s imposition.
Whenever I am told this, I feel driven towards being there for them, regardless of the circumstances, since through being there, I am sure I can always count on them as well. For example, last week, James needed assistance in a particular project. Despite the current restrictions on social distancing, I made time to communicate with him online and was of help. Therefore, from this perspective, I have become a reliable person with a focus on living up to my friends’ expectations of me.
- Identify one NEGATIVE self-statement that you tell yourself ABOUT YOURSELF that is related in some way to COMMUNICATION (public speaking, how well you do meeting new people, etc.)
Often, I find myself negating statements towards myself, especially in the retrospective of my inability to be patient. I tell myself, “I am not very good at being patient.” Being impatient has been a context I have always considered as worrying because I fear to fail a friend or to present a negative perception of my personality among those around me. For instance, when we plan something, as a group, I worry people will think that I am too domineering or not thorough in accomplishing tasks. Through my lack of patience, I can become less reliable since I turn out to be a lousy listener. Sometimes, I fear that a person might rely on me to listen to their issues, but eventually appear as pseudo-listener.
Therefore, identifying myself as impatient through the self-statement, presents worries, on my inability to live up to my friend’s expectations as reliable. Subsequently, it presents counteracting implications on facing challenging problems, resulting in less activity in certain activities or conversations that might take time or be disinteresting to me.
- Referring to question #2, describe a specific instance when that “message” (from question #2) helped to create a NEGATIVE self-fulfilling prophecy. (refer to a specific_event)
A few months ago, before the Corona Pandemic, a couple of my friends invited me to participate in the establishment of a small business that would make a profit after two years. Even though I attended, I told myself that, “I won’t join them, because I can’t wait that long for profits.” During the meeting, I was lost in my thoughts wondering, what I would do, or say to appear genuine and supportive, even though I was not going to join them. F or one, I did not intend on failing them, since they felt that my input was essential in the founding of the business. On the other hand, I was not positively engaged in taking part in a long-term establishment. I tried to console myself through thoughts such as that by telling them I can’t join, since the future is not promised, and could not make investments in a long-term endeavor, they would understand. After all, they were my friends, and if they were in my shoes, I would also appreciate their positions.
However, at the meeting, they provided compelling and convincing numbers. As a result, I found myself engaged and contributing to the ideas presented. The plans became overwhelming, and I started buying into their predictions on future profits once the establishment began. Then, towards the end, I questioned my patience and asked myself If my tolerance would give in to the idea. As a result, fearing to fail in both incidences, I chose to let them down at that moment instead of becoming disengaged in the future.
My initial prediction that I would not be patient enough in engaging with the investment affected the outcome since I convinced myself that I was not cut out for it. And also, my fear of becoming unreliable played in the resultant outcome.
- Referring to question #2, explain how you can turn around this negative message into a more positive, rational, and realistic one.
I will tell myself that, “I will be fine by becoming patient enough.” Through patience, my fears in failing to meet my friends’ expectations and seeming like an overbearing person who lacks a sense of responsibility in the accomplishment of tasks, will be deviated. These fears are realistic because when I become a domineering character, failing in the acquisition of set objectives, my friends will find me unreliable. Nobody wants to engage in activities with a person who lacks the resilience to commit to them fully. Additionally, facing challenging situations becomes problematic, because, I might end up, yielding in a task that holds a lot of importance in maintaining the expectations certain people have on me.
Therefore, in overcoming my fears, I will tell myself that:
- When I engage with friends, they will not find me domineering or lacking attributive principles of becoming through.
- It is uncertain that I will find myself in such a scenario.
- Furthermore, people may be more open to my input and contributions in achieving a similar objective.
- I am capable and responsible enough to overcome any challenges and build my ability to become tolerant and patient.
Hence, the next time I find myself in a situation where my contribution is needed in achieving a common goal, no matter how far-fetched, or how long it will take, I will contribute and show that I am reliable in every manner.