Long Distance Relationships
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Institutional Affiliations
Long Distance Relationships
The co-existence between human beings is dependent on very many factors. One of them is communication, which plays a very crucial part in the development and maintenance of relationships. Through discussion, people get to know the progress of the other and find a solution to life’s problems and also learn to live together. The human beings can understand one another and, therefore, direct their decisions towards the good of the others, courtesy of communication. An is an issue that currently arises with the new technology is the integrity of long-distance relationships. People now can communicate across millions of miles apart, through the use of technology is communication. Some people have even met online, would chat online, and eventually, they get married once they meet. One of the questions that arise if this communication sustains the relationships that exist between long distant people.
A research Dansie, 2012, indicates that a third of college students engage in distance relationships while the remaining two-thirds have short distance relations. Of the long-distance relationships, about 75% of the links succeed. Statistics also show that about 14 million couples in the United States consider themselves to be in a long-distance relationship, of which the recorded ones are about 3.75 million. Of all the above, 32.5 are college relationships, 75 % engaged couples, 2.9 % married couples, and 10% of all links started as long-distance relationships. Another statistic by the national health and social survey indicated that 4% of married men, 16% of cohabiting men, 37 % of men who are dating, engage in infidelity. This is compared to 1% of married women, 8% of cohabiting women, and 17% of women dating who infidels (Lalasz & Weigel, 2011) are. This paper aims to find out the issue associated with long-distance relationships.
Literature Review
Bird introduces the purpose of every romantic relationship to be for the development of family and marriage (Bird, 2014). The use of technology, cell phones, in particular, have made distant relationships bearable, building some of the connections while destroying others. The reason is that the cell phones enable those of long-distance communication and therefore bring them together. For links that are a short distance, cell phones may bring discord in the sense that one of the partners may concentrate on social media and fail to give the extra attention, and therefore bringing about disagreements.
The fact that the use of cell phones has become more than a communication tool to become a luxury tool (Bird, 2014). It, therefore, takes the place of intimacy within the relationship of the players, mostly those involved in short-distance relationships. People prefer to have a face to face relationships with their partners; however, the interference of the cellphones brings about this problem. It can be partially concluded that the use of cells be constrained only when the couples are not physically together.
The primary communication issue that Bird, 2014, identifies if the miscommunication that happens with the use of skype, SMS, and emails to catch up and know what is happening on the other end. Most of the couples tend to be too preoccupied with their technological gadgets, cell phones, and laptops such that they are oblivious of the surrounding. As said earlier on, it demeans the quality personal time that is to exists between the two couples and therefore brings about more issues. It would include the insecurities that come with thinking that one is not worth and not cared for. The phones seem to replace the position of the person and, therefore, create a place that exists between the two.
Brody brings another topic which he titles it; absence makes the heart grow fonder, in support of distance relationships. The research followed the use of computer-mediated communication (CMC) and long-distance relationships (LDRs). His research follows the finding that idealization comes about as a result of the lack of face to face relationships. Glorification, as he defines, is the tendency to positively describe someone or give some positive credit to someone or something (Brody, 2013). This may be due to the reason that the individuals are left to imagine the other person from the information they have, which most probably is always positive. Positive assumptions from one end, therefore, are almost inevitable, especially if the relationship is in good terms.
Hyper-personal perspective is the critical role that brings about idealization. The online communication gives the individuals an opportunity for selective self-presentation in which the positive characteristics are presented (Brody,2013). The individuals then develop a perspective of the other person, which becomes inflated with optimization. These inflations become incorporated into the interaction between the individuals, which then creates a feedback channel with further attributes to the strong ties that exist. Controlled research shows that the people who have been friends or have been in a long short-distance relationship tend not to display such characteristics even when separated. This is because they are already aware of all the attributed of the person and need not form any new perceptions.
Research by Brody 2013, as indicated by the null and the alternative hypothesis, suggested that CMC and LDRs were the predictors of long-distance friendships. The results showed that mediated communication with a high frequency and a high time length of interactions in a friend to friend relationships would result in development and commitment to long-distance friendships. This findings, therefore, also go along with Bird in that long-term relationships tend to create stronger ties for those who are far apart while breaking apart those who are close. The friend to friend relationships that occurs between daily friends is greatly affected by communication.
Carter and Renshaw expound on the communication between spouses, mainly militants. It is research that explores how the environment surrounding an individual can affect communication between the parties in play. Distance relationships tend to draw some typologies in that, how the conversation is conducted is responsible for the feedback that the receiver is mostly to deduce. They are responsible for the maintenance of the relationship, and therefore draw the strategies that the couples can use to maintain each other (Carter & Renshaw, 2015). Such developments are mostly common among militants who get deployed often and, therefore, are separated.
This, therefore, introduces the use of media and the relevance of each communication service. There is the use of emails, phone calls, texts, and video calls. The most efficient in these, as many couples would prefer, is video calls because it gives both the verbal and visual forms of communications (Carter & Renshaw, 2015). However, most would prefer the use of emails because it provides future reference service and also enables communication even when the couple is not together.
The access to communication for deployed members changes over time and, therefore, is varied. With the latest deployments, reports indicate that most of the militant has faced little itches when it comes to communicating with family. This has been made easier by the use of technology, such as emails and phone calls. Research indicates that those who anticipate frequent communications daily are married couples more than any other couple. However, in the mission ground, access to these communications vary according to the ranks of the personnel. Those officers who have high positions within the military are likely to have a better connection in communication that those who are ranking low.
The percentage of those who use phone calls, as per the reports were given by most of the married women, totaled 61%. Those who use letters and care packages amount to about 55%; those who use emails are about 52%, video chats about 9%, and webcam almost 6% (Carter et al., 2015). This statistic is, however, different by those who are in the air force, as the use of phone calls and any other audio related communication was a bit different for them. The once of the ground and the navy report almost daily contact than those who are on the air force. One thing can only explain this situation in that those who are in the air may be lacking access to the internet for audio calls than those on the grounds.
The content of communication in each group and category is not well defined as there is scarce research on this. However, of the few that have been conducted, most of them include the daily domestic issues while others confirm strategies that were formulated. This communication sometimes is limited within the ground because they are potential causes for distraction. The leaders, therefore, intentionally restrict the frequency, duration, and quality of the connections to make the workers more focused on their work.
Other restrictions that the members of the military may be put into may be due to the fact they are not to disclose some information. This is mainly for security concerns, like information that could convey the location they are in, the activities they are engaged in, and the mission they are to achieve in the mission ground. This tends to trigger frustrations among the member in the relationships as it distances them more. Most of them have been reported to be traumatized by extreme cases since they may be experiencing stressful situations that they would have preferred to shares with their spouses, but they cannot. They end up becoming frustrated and, therefore, become one of the significant problems in distant relationships, especially among the military service.
Crosby, 2017, claims that distance is not a significant factor when it comes to romantic relationships. Over the years, there has been considerable growth in the number of long-distance relationships, with the majority surviving and actualize stabilizing the condition. This then is a clear indication that some factors bring about this satisfaction despite the long-distance that these couples are in. One of the issues that develop here is the definition and literature behind the term long distance. Crosby defends his opinion in that, the time long-distance is relative, depending on the couple. Some people may be lining a few miles apart but still, term it long distance. If those who stay miles apart can spend a couple of nights together per month, then it may not be considered to be a long-distance relationship.
Other aspects of long-distance relationships that Crosby argues for is the issue with sex communication and sexual communication satisfaction. Sexual transmission has been taken to be objective, while sexual communication satisfaction is a perspective that springs from people’s opinions. These vary from the married couples and all other members who are in the long-distance relationship gap. It also is determined by the level of attachments among the pair, which may form a whole lot of different topics and also introduce relational satisfaction among the couples.
Similar to the contribution of Crosby is the finding of Dansie. Dansie says that sexual communication tends to be one of the factors, especially among young people (Dansei, 2012). With the changing trends in career development parts, people tend to push marriage commitments until they are stable enough in terms of finances and finishing their academics. They are therefore, likely to engage in more romantic relationships over a long period. It is proved that they help reduce stress and other related problems, as is characteristic of those who are single. This is courtesy of sexual communication that Crosby expounds more on in his thesis.
Attachment tends to bring people closer together, especially among married couples, according to Crosby, 2015. These attachments are the short cycle of meeting that couples have along with their separation. An example is given by Dansey, where a distant couple may be meeting over the weekend, spend time together, and later go back to their separate places. This short duration of together tending to bring them closer together and, therefore, fulfill sexual communication satisfaction.
Discussion
From all the articles above, distant relationships are functional and can survive. This owes to the grounds that technology plays a vital role in bringing these people together. The use of cellphones for texting, emails, and making calls play the role of bridging these relationships. Therefore, long-distance relationships are functional. This is spread across from the married couples, those who are engaged, and those who are just in a love affair.
The most exciting thing is how distance seems to tighten the tie that exists between the different couples. On the one hand, it gives rooms for developments of perspectives which are mostly positive and therefore, makes the two grow fonder. The second advantage is that it becomes attachments between the people, especially if they are occasionally meeting. The environments surrounding them are what is most important, that is, if it allows for the communication of the two. It can better be seen in the relationship among the military people, are somehow restricted. The content of every communication will create a typology in which it will determine how well the link is going to function and continue in maintenance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, long-distance relationships will remain to become a relative subject. This is because not everyone who takes the critical distance is a factor in their relationship. The common advantage that makes a majority cot consider this is the current availability of technology. It makes the world a global village, and therefore, the only thing that will be missing between people is physical contact. One of the disadvantages is the stress and the trauma it causes, especially where there is no consistency in the communication. In as much as the players in it can leverage the differences and overcome the challenges faced, bearing with each other. Long-distance relationships would be more bearable and easy to manage. It is recommended that further research be done on the effects of these long distance relationships on other members, of close interest separate from the main couples.
References
Bird, S. (2014). The influence of technology in a long-term relationship (Doctoral dissertation, Kean University).
Brody, N. (2013). Absence—and mediated communication—makes the heart grow fonder: Clarifying the predictors of satisfaction and commitment in long-distance friendships. Communication Research Reports, 30(4), 323-332.
Carter, S. P., & Renshaw, K. D. (2016). Spousal communication during military deployments: A review. Journal of Family Issues, 37(16), 2309-2332.
Crosby, B. L. (2017). The Relationship Among Sexual Communication Satisfaction, Attachment Security, and Relationship Satisfaction in Long Distance Relationships (Doctoral dissertation, Purdue University).
Dansie, L. (2012). Long-distance dating relationships among college students: The benefits and drawbacks of using technology (Doctoral dissertation, University of Missouri–Columbia).
Lalasz, C & Weigel, D. J. (2011). “Understanding the relationship between gender and extradyadic relations: The mediating role of sensation seeking on intentions to engage in sexual infidelity.” Personality and Individual Differences. 50 (7): 1079–1083. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2011.01.029.