My Life in Gambling
- Needs Assessment
I am a 22-year old man who lives in Nairobi, Kenya. I was born to a Seventh-day Adventist family with a humble background. All my life, I have had a fantastic family and have enjoyed the comforts of a family home. I was adequately brought up; I can say so by my widowed mother to God’s knowledge and was taught the benefits of hard work early in my childhood. However, in December 2015, just after completing my KCSE examinations, I made a decision that would later change my perception on life – I started gambling.
At this point in my life, obviously, I had no clue what I was entering into. At the age of 17, I would lie, steal, beg and borrow just to play the machines with the hope of winning some cash and “enjoying the game.” I would gamble the money I was given to buy vegetables and fruits for the family, and either have my farming friends provide me with these items free of charge or steal them from the neighboring farms. I don’t know what attracted me to the machines, whether it be the older boys playing them, the lights or just the fact that I wanted to beat the game and win the cash but all I know now is; this was the start of something that has ruined many years of my life and that of those around me.
When I joined campus, gambling was not an issue I was aware of, and the phase of gambling took another direction – online football betting. I made friends, friendships that I regret having made from the very beginning. These would later introduce me to the online betting world. My friends would place football bets and watch results on a weekends, all very normal. However, I was never interested or felt I knew enough about football to place a bet but rather could not accept to be left out.
My first month in football betting went well and I made a good sum of money that I had never had an opportunity to own before in my entire life. I made a huge sixty thousand Kenya shillings overnight from a mere virtual betting site using just a thousand shillings from my HELB loan that I had just received. This was in the first semester of my second year in campus. This did shake my world! So I stopped concentrating my efforts in academics but rather how to get rich quickly.
Earlier on, I had a dream of becoming a lecturer at the University of Nairobi or any other re-known university in the world but I gave up this pursuit and started the chase after quick riches. Sadly, in a few weeks, almost all the money I had “made” was depleted. Hooked from the start, this was the beginning of a regretful and horrible life. Five years of self-destruction.
There is much I can say about my gambling and what I have done. My addiction relates to virtual football betting, an obsession with team names and numbers as I see it. Virtual betting, once addicted to, is extremely hard to walk away from and I am almost certain that it has caused the less fortunate people to take their own life. If you happen to know these betting sites, you will definitely know when to place a bet. I have been so lost in this game that following the patterns of the outcomes, I can easily predict the next outcome though a few times I miss it. I have sat and fed several thousand shillings into the paybill of these betting companies and watched it all disappear in front of my very eyes on many occasions, and the feeling never changes!
Once I start the game, I am like a zombie, no feelings at all till the last penny is gone. Then once it’s gone, reality hits! I can safely say I have come home more times sad due to gambling losses than I have rejoiced of the good news of winning, and the reason is gambling takes your life.
Turning 18 seemed to be a big point where I started digging my own grave. I got access to a Safaricom simcard registered under my name and so I got access to credits from micro-lending companies. Well you know the story, I lost everything. Everyday has been dominated and dreaming, living in this fantasy world. Many times, I’d avoid eating to gamble, attending classes and not eating a single thing, losing lots of weight which I couldn’t afford to lose already being skinny made me look horrible. I stopped concentrating in class and started preferring backseats where I could easily get a glimpse and play a “single game” as I had supposed it, but the single game wouldn’t end until the class was over. If I won a game, I wanted to play again because I would be persuaded by some inner feeling that I could do it again winning again to continue the streak; if I lost, I would still continue under the persuasion that I could win thereby returning the lost penny.
When I’m gambling I can only describe it as it having a physical hold over me. Like I can’t leave the betting site without me losing everything or my mobile data getting depleted. At times when I had a losing streak, I would be in tears and I honestly kept thinking, “hurry up and lose so I can get out of here.” What an insane person I have been! Well, who would do that? But it felt like it was the only way to leave the site. Another feeling I get is I seem to forget: I could gamble for hours, completely numb throughout it all, not thinking or talking to anyone, but as soon as I walk out of wherever I sat, that’s when I realize it. What on earth just happened there, what have I done? Why didn’t I just stop when I won?
Today, I am an addict to all forms of gambling but virtual football betting is still the issue. I really don’t understand why I feel the need to gamble. I’ve lost all the trust in my life. I feel like I’m going nowhere in life. Many a times, I have struggled to overcome this addiction but I still find myself back at the very point I started! I feel like a waste of space, time, resources and everything. It’s so hard to even look at my family members in the eyes after everything I’ve put them through. It has almost destroyed my family. O how I long to overcome the addiction!
Summary of Need