Parenting Differences in Marriage

People are different from each other, and they might have dissenting opinions on a lot of things. Thus, in marriage, both parents can have different ideologies of raising their children, which might present a significant issue to the institution. Whereas some parents believe that children should be given liberty to explore, others strongly believe that children need to be guided and supervised strictly to ensure that they do not make wrong moral decisions. As such, these couples often need the help of marriage coaches to help them reconcile and settle their differences. This paper will explain how, through a marriage coach’s advice, such couples can reconcile their differences and agreeably raise the children, without affecting the lives of the children.

Addressing and Embracing Differences

Embracing Cultural Differences

Parents that are raised in different cultures have dissenting opinions on how to raise children since they, too, were raised differently. Whenever parents of different ethnicities come together, they realize the differences in cultures that affect how they raise the children. For instance, whereas in some cultures it is okay to send children to school without adult supervision, in others it is considered a crime and endangering the life of the child, and is therefore frowned upon. For such parents to be able to raise their children amicably and to iron out these issues, then couples should understand their differences. With such knowledge, it will then be possible to make decisions on the upbringing of the children that do not hurt the children while favouring all the parents (Crippen & Brew, 2007). Above all, the couple should seek God’s guidance to understand the best possible way to raise the children without creating conflicts. By striking a balance, then the couple is likely to experience a smooth upbringing of the children.

Accepting That the Nature of Parents’ Families Can Result in the Differences

People who grow in close-knit families have different opinions on children’s upbringing with those who rose in separated or divorced homes. Parents raised in closely-knit families and those that grow in separated families have different views on the education of the children. In most cases, such differences raise conflicts that are sometimes difficult to handle. According to Carlson and McLanahan, when the couple’s nature of families affects the upbringing of their children, then they need to seek the services of a marriage coach (Carlson & McLanahan, 2006). It is the role of marriage coaches to help spouses understand their differences and assist them in finding the best solution to handle the challenges (Parrott & Parrott, 2005). Thus, acknowledging these differences and seeking the help of a coach to address them is essential as it helps the couple figure out challenges that they might not have initially thought about.

Accepting that Differences in Social Class of Parents Can Affect their Opinions

Parents from low-income and high-income families have different ideologies on raising children (Gibson-Davis, 2008). Parents of a higher social class might see the need to give their children all the luxuries that they want in life, while those of a lower social class, might not see the need to do this, as it allegedly spoils the children. Such challenges might bring financial difficulties into a marriage, while at the same time affecting the children negatively. Therefore, to iron out such issues, and come to a common ground, couples should seek the advice of a marriage coach or counsellor that will help them iron out the problems while using Biblical teachings to guide the couple on the best solution that couples need to adopt to raise their children effectively. Embracing these differences is the best way to establish a shared parenting style that benefits the children in helping them growing a closely-knit family.

External Pressure

Other Parents Peer Pressure

Other parents might impose their beliefs on some parents resulting in dissenting views on how to bring up children (Ray, 2013)—allowing such pressure to dictate the upbringing of children results in conflicts. To prevent this from happening, couples need to set goals based on their desires, and not on the opinions of others. These goals on how to raise children need to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-specific. According to Williams, active goal-setting needs to be based on the things that the couple wants to achieve and not on societal pressures (Williams & Williams, 2011). By setting goals, couples will avoid the forces from without, thus helping them stick to their goals. In so doing, they raise their children according to their set standards.

Personality of Child

A child’s personality can prompt parents to disagree on the best method of raising the child (Cox, Owen, Lewis, & Henderson, 1989). While some children are vocal and expressive to their parents, other children tend to keep silent and avoid discussing their challenges with their parents. Cox et al advise parents to take time to understand their children, and not raise them in a standard way, as all the children are different and vary from each other (Cox, Owen, Lewis, & Henderson, 1989). By handling all children uniquely, parents are likely to have a more relaxed way raising them in a way that is most suitable to them. Children with different personalities need to be brought up differently. Therefore, handling children with regards to their characters enables children to raise the children in a way that is not only per God’s teachings but also in a way that brings out their best abilities.

Differences in the Children’s Age Group

Children of different age groups pose a challenge to parents’ parenting style due to a difference in generations and changing societal traditions (Rosen, Carrier, & A.Cheever, 2008). Children of different age groups cannot be brought up similarly. As explained in the class texts, generational differences often resulting in personality differences, primarily since this is based on the period which the children are growing up.  There is a need to consider the age of children and the changes within society before deciding on a parenting style. Children of different ages should be handled differently to allow parents to settle the parenting differences, thus effectively raising the children.

Coaching Connection

Parents need to understand that differences in opinions regarding the style of Parenting can affect the child negatively. They, therefore, need to set aside their differences and agree on a common technique. As a marriage coach, I am obliged to guide the parents in finding out the parenting style that works best for both parents and helping them create compromises whenever necessary, to ensure that the children live in happy and close-knit families. It is also my role to guide the parents in setting goals that align with their desires. Whenever couples set their goals together, it becomes easier for them to have a clear ideology on how they want to raise their children—thus helping them settle their differences. Similarly, it is my role to guide couples on the beauty of compromise. Although people might have dissenting opinions on issues, creating agreements enables couples to set goals that are not oppressive to either partner, thus creating an avenue for understanding, which is a great recipe for successful marriages.

Biblical Integration

God commanded human beings to bear offspring. He led by example by presenting the birth of Jesus. Despite being the saviour, his earthly parents brought him up in a way that he learned to perform chores, and more so, learned about the church where he often accompanied his parents. Jesus was different from the other children because he had excellent skills and gifts that set him apart from other children of his age. For instance, during the Passover festival in Jerusalem when Jesus was left at the temple, his parents were not mad at him but understood that he was performing his earthly roles. Had they treated him like a regular child, he would not have fulfilled his purpose in life. As such, parents need to follow the ways of Mary and Joseph and other parents presented in the Bible who portrayed excellent parenting skills that contributed to the positive development of the children.

Conclusion

Sometimes easy things, such as deciding on the best parenting style to adopt, can pose a challenge to both young and old couples. Marriage coaches need to guide these parents to establish the best possible way to bring up the children to contribute to the wholesome development of the child. By following the Biblical guidelines, such parents can emulate Biblical parents and adopt the most reasonable parenting styles suitable for their children.

References

Carlson, M. J., & McLanahan, S. S. (2006). Strengthening Unmarried Families: Could Enhancing Couple Relationships Also Improve Parenting? Social Service Review, Volume 80, Number 2.

Cox, M. J., Owen, M. T., Lewis, J. M., & Henderson, V. K. (1989). Marriage, Adult Adjustment, and Early Parenting. Child Development, 1015-1024.

Crippen, C., & Brew, L. (2007). Intercultural Parenting and the Transcultural Family: A Literature Review. The Family Journal.

Gibson-Davis, C. M. (2008). Family Structure Efects on Maternal and Paternal Parenting in Low Income Families. Journal of Marriage and Family, Volume 70, Issue 2.

Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. (2005). The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring. Orange, CA: Zondervan.

Ray, J. A. (2013). Family Connections: Today’s Young Families: Successful Strategies for Engaging Millennial Parents. Journal of Childhood Education, Volume 89,Issue 5, 332-334.

Rosen, L. D., Carrier, L. M., & A.Cheever, N. (2008). The association of parenting style and child age with parental limit setting and adolescent MySpace behavior. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 459-471.

Williams, J., & Williams, J. (2011). Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hopes and Skills for a Great Relationship. Springfield, Ohio: Grace & Truth Relationship Education.